


Wrong to Right

by shutupeccles



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Declarations Of Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:57:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shutupeccles/pseuds/shutupeccles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They’d been wrong about each other for a dozen years, how could they possibly make it right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrong to Right

Remus double-checked the map he’d retrieved from Harry. This was wrong.

Not inaccurate but not right, dreadful in fact. Peter Pettigrew was alive.

Sirius was certainly innocent of one crime for which he’d been imprisoned, Peter’s murder. What of the others? Which former friend murdered a dozen Muggles? Who betrayed Lily and James, leaving their infant son defenceless against Voldemort’s followers? Worse yet—had Peter and Sirius conspired together?

_And for all those years I thought I was the only menace among us._

Dumbledore must have suspected, or Remus foolishly hoped he did. Dumbledore knew of the path between the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade and Hogwarts, having personally commissioned its construction as well as the planting of a Whomping Willow at its entrance to provide a safe place for Remus to transform every full moon. He brought Remus back to Hogwarts to teach, believing the former Marauder could protect Harry and, more importantly, predict the actions of his best friend.

Did conscience really need to maintain that particular façade? **James** and Sirius were best friends. Remus and Sirius had been lovers from the afternoon they sat their final NEWT exam until the night James and Lily were murdered.  


  
  
_"It wasn’t **me**. For all I know Remus, Lily confided in **you**. You became her confidante once she gave her precious ‘Sev’ the shove!”_   
  


  


The last words they’d exchanged had been in the form of angry, accusatory hexes, jinxes, and curses. If Sirius was innocent of revealing the Potter family’s secret, he wouldn’t want Remus’ help—or forgiveness.

Remus rubbed the familiar, enchanted parchment between his hands. Their history began with the creation of the Marauder’s Map. Late night whispering and brainstorming without James and Peter’s interference led to a meeting of minds. Then, somehow, Remus found the courage to kiss Sirius. Just a glancing of lips against the side of his friend’s neck that first time, easily defined as an outburst of enthusiasm should an alibi be needed. It wasn’t. Sirius had linked their fingers without fuss and continued describing his latest ideas for the map.  


  


_“What do you think, Moony? Consult the others first, or just go for it?”_  


Remus replied by shyly kissing Sirius on the mouth then retreating slightly in case he had referred only to adding the new spell. His heart raced now, remembering how nervously he waited for a reaction, believing he’d ruined everything until Sirius spoke. His voice carried the same fear that ran through Remus’ veins.  


  
  
_“I was hoping you’d say that.”_  
  


  
They’d spent the night kissing, gaining confidence in their abilities and attraction. Secret glances, stolen kisses and touches on the rarest of occasions made the relationship more enticing. Nobody knew. The exhilaration of finishing their final school exam, ever, and finding themselves alone in their dorm to celebrate led to the only indiscretion they’d committed. They committed it well. Alas, they hadn’t performed their Imperturbable Charm quite as effectively. Peter, James and Lily copped an earful when they opened the door and an eyeful before Sirius pulled the curtains around Remus’ bed closed.

Lily found it amusing that the boy named Black had an arse whiter than the flower she was named after. Peter and James were gobsmacked into silence, unable to say anything even after Remus and Sirius were dressed. Remus had timidly opened the curtain, unable to look anyone in the eye. He was cursed and had defiled their friend. Sirius boldly sat forward, put his arm solidly around Remus, and declared that they would be living together as soon as Sirius bought a house.

And they had.

Remus opened the map again. The names of Peter, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were jumbled together and Sirius was closing in. Remus had no choice but to act.

*~~~*

Harry had more questions than Remus and Sirius combined. There was barely enough time to establish the facts. No time for deep personal emotional introspection while juggling Sirius, Peter, Harry, Hermione, Severus, the moon—by the time Remus was under control, Sirius was gone.

Now he had opportunity to think over the night’s revelations, but not inclination. He had been so very wrong. Remus rehearsed several apologies as he packed his trunk. All were insufficient. He visited the school owlery and sent the simplest – _Sorry I doubted you, X_ – although he removed the kiss first and expected no reply.

*~~~*

The tiny bird landed on Remus’ head, and defecated. He thought guano was the sum of Sirius’ reply until he found the note.  


  
_Your accusation cut deepest. Twelve years in Azkaban and how long before that without a word from you._  


  
Remus took the hint and didn’t try to contact Sirius again.

*~~~*

He knew the address. If the Order of the Phoenix were meeting there it could mean only one thing. Sirius was home. Talking to Molly Weasley revealed that Dumbledore had given Remus a different date to others in the Order, twenty-four hours earlier in fact. He deliberately arrived fourteen minutes late on the actual day of the meeting. Sirius knocked back a Firewhiskey as his wronged eye met Remus’ guilty gaze, then went upstairs to check on his hippogriff.

Remus ignored several well-intentioned looks from Dumbledore and the single, long smirk from Severus, and remained in the kitchen until the meeting broke up. If his eye glanced to the ceiling or staircase at the slightest sound, no-one mentioned it. Dumbledore’s disappointed shake of the head as he said his goodnights was enough to direct Remus upstairs.

“Sirius,” he asked at the bedroom door bearing Sirius’ name plate.

“I’m up here.” Sirius looked down from the landing in front of what was once his mother’s room but had since become a stable for Buckbeak.

Remus stayed put to look up at him. He had to fight the silly urge to win his lover back with a serenade.

“What are you smiling about?” Sirius asked bitterly. His trimmed hair hung down in dark ringlets and his darker eyes bored into Remus’, as they had when they…

Guilt erased the fledgling smile. Remus touched the nameplate. “I…”

“Don’t make excuses Remus. You would have arrived yesterday if you were sincerely apologetic. Or written more than four words in fourteen years! Surely the fact that you continued to roam free instead of being hunted or courted by Death Eaters was proof enough of my love for you, if not my innocence. Even then, when we were all suspects, I loved you. Made excuses for you…”

“You believed I would turn my back on two of the most important people in my life?”

Sirius’ voice rumbled low, like the threatening growl of a crossed dog. “Remember how many times you told me **I** was the most important person in your life, and how quickly you turned your back on me? Do you remember? Did you ever recall what we were doing when news of Voldemort’s reaction to the prophecy was brought to us? You couldn’t get away from me and into your clothes fast enough! That was **before** we knew who was calling! In the home we’d shared for years!”

“It could have been anyone! Are you forgetting the nature of my mission for the Order? I was thinking only of protecting you! I loved and trusted you more than…”

 _“ **Trust**?”_ Sirius repeated accusingly.

“You didn’t trust me. You persuaded James and Lily to make Peter their Secret Keeper without confiding in me, after we’d all discussed and agreed upon you being the logical choice. Was it because you believed I was a traitor, or merely because I’ve always been weakest of the four Marauders? I recall making love to you that night Sirius, what were you doing?”

Sirius appeared to be mortally insulted, not that it took much to offend Sirius. “You doubt my devotion to you? Even now?”

Remus slowly went up two stairs, three. “How much of what happened between us was because of the war, Sirius?” he asked without taking his eyes from the bannister.

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

Remus climbed three more stairs at the same, crippled pace. This time his eyes stayed on Sirius. “Your forgiveness and apology in the Shrieking Shack, were they genuine or just your usual quips?”

“I was ready to forgive you the moment you disarmed Harry, and to apologise when you discovered Peter became Secret Keeper without your knowledge. Your crestfallen face… I loved you again. Azkaban took the best of everything we were and shared, and left me with the worst. I went after Peter to prove your innocence as much as his guilt! We were in love for **years** Remus.”

It didn’t matter that Sirius’ words flitted about like Cornish Pixies. Remus’ thoughts behaved the same way. It was the passion behind his words that proved this was the same man.

“Can we be, again, do you think?” Remus asked quietly, trying not to hope too desperately.

“I don’t know,” Sirius admitted gruffly. “I’m not the same.”

“Neither am I. All I seek is your true forgiveness and the chance to fall in love with you again.”

Sirius came down the stairs at the same pace Remus ascended. They met above the middle. Sirius reached out to Remus’ face but let it fall before making contact. His eyes showed more sorrow, fear and regret than hope.

Remus wanted to scrape the negative feelings away until nothing but love, security and hope remained. He kissed Sirius gently, briefly and stepped back. “I’m sorry my love. For doubting you and giving you reason to doubt. For not demanding answers as soon as events came to light. A single visit to Azkaban would have convinced me of the truth and I could have worked relentlessly to prove your innocence. Forgive me, for so many wrongs.”

The warmth of Sirius’ hands as they framed his face in that familiar manner caused Remus to close his eyes and breathe in the moment. _Don’t let it end, don’t let it end, please, give this back to me._

“Please, Remus, open your eyes. Let me see you the way I wanted to remember you.”

Remus did. He had to blink back a tear, or maybe two. Sirius did the same. They kissed deeply, slowly, adoringly.

“Stay, please,” Sirius pleaded with each breath. “I hate this house, everything I ran away from, worse than Azkaban. Make this your home as long as the Order is quartered here. Perhaps then, this second imprisonment could become bearable. After that, I’ll take you some of the places I’ve been.”

“Tell me about your favourites.” Remus hoped the boisterous Sirius of old would reveal himself. He did, here and there throughout his recollections as they lay atop Sirius’ four-poster bed. “I wish I’d been with you,” Remus said earnestly.

“You’re with me now.”

Remus took his time showing how desperately he wanted to accept Sirius’ offer to make this his home as they renewed their physical acquaintance. Sirius used to be so robust. He had gained weight since Remus saw him last, but not as much as he’d lost in Azkaban. He smelled and felt a lot healthier. It wasn’t enough. Remus mourned the lack of flesh over Sirius’ ribs with the touch of his hands and lips. It soon became clear that Sirius was self-conscious about such changes so Remus concentrated on his lover’s face and mouth, letting Sirius lead the way with other forms of contact.

“You haven’t changed,” Sirius murmured with satisfaction, “as passionate yet considerate as always.”

“You’re still a cock-tease.”

“You asked for it.” Sirius went down on him, moving with such deliberate slowness that his cock didn’t know whether to come or go soft.

“Sirius, it’s been years. I haven’t… I doubt I can control things like…”

“Say it Remus.”

“Before.”

“There’s been no-one but me, is that what you’re saying?” Sirius gaze was as deep and emotional as his voice. “I’m still the only…?”

Remus nodded. They breathed in cacophony. The house’s noises echoed around them. Even though he hadn’t trusted Sirius for twelve years, there had been no-one else Remus trusted enough to share intimacy, of any kind. Sirius understood everything that meant, Remus could see it, hear it, feel it as Sirius moved up along his body to hold him painfully close. Remus realised his arms were equally tight about Sirius. They didn’t move until they risked losing circulation in their limbs. Then they kissed.

Neither made a first move, it was instinctive. Sirius summoned an old jar of Broom Handle Balm, which had always been dorm-code for wanking lotion. They remembered and laughed as they kissed and touched. It took a while for them to find their familiar rhythm. Once they did, Sirius pinned Remus onto his back by both beard-scratched shoulders and rode him in their favoured position. His hair dangled down like it had as he glared over the bannister at Remus. Only know his stare communicated a very different challenge, holding Remus’ eyes to ensure they were equally satisfied by the rocking motion of his hips.

There was something else, a determination Remus shared, to focus solely on this time rather than reflecting on previous unions when the love between them had seemed pure and unconquerable. Now it was tainted by years of distrust and mistakes. They wanted more than their sex life back, Sirius and Remus wanted **them**. As a result neither came, the momentum simply fizzled out.

“Not quite the magnificent make-up session we expected, hey Moony?” Sirius grimaced. “We’ve gotten old. Maybe, in time…”

“Hopefully,” Remus sincerely agreed and linked their fingers together as Sirius lay beside him. “I can’t stay permanently, though,” he murmured. “I want to,” he added hastily. “All I desire is to lounge about in a tangle of limbs for days on end, retrieving what we’ve lost before it’s ruined completely and getting on with loving you again.”

Sirius sat angrily, removing his hand from Remus’ to put a shirt on. “No! They’re not sending you undercover again. Not when I’m stuck here, useless, instead of being on hand to protect you. Last time was bad enough!”

Remus grabbed any item of clothing that came to hand and struggled into it. “Sirius!” He followed Sirius out of bed, from the room and down the stairs. “They need me…”

Sirius turned and grabbed him by the shoulders. “ ** _I_** need you Remus! These past fourteen years I’ve needed you! I am not letting you get yourself killed while we’re still angry at each other!”

Remus held Sirius by the wrists and locked their eyes together. “I’m not angry at you anymore, beloved.” He truly wasn’t. This argument formed part of a much earlier fight. Sirius felt that Dumbledore took advantage of Remus’ affliction the first time Voldemort rose to power, going so far as to accuse him of allowing Remus to attend Hogwarts with the intent of fashioning him into a tool, domesticating him into the Order. Dumbledore’s calmly delivered “I’d be foolish not to” allegedly gave Sirius and Remus motivation to plot against him, handing Peter two scapegoats for the price of one.

Sirius stopped resisting Remus’ grip and relaxed into the offered embrace. “I missed you. Knowing of your innocence almost made up for the loneliness.”

Remus kissed Sirius’ neck, cheek, tip of his nose, then lips and agreed to live here as often as his work on the front line allowed. “I never undertook this role for Dumbledore, Sirius, but for you, James, Lily, Harry, and other children like me who weren’t so lucky after being bitten. **They** need me. The Order of the Phoenix is my tool as much as I am theirs.”

Sirius crushed their right cheeks together. His voice scratched like his beard. “My heart is yours Remus, as it shall always be.”

“As mine is yours.”

The return to their room was clumsy as they refused to break the embrace to climb the stairs and insisted on kissing frequently.

Their third attempt at intimate reconciliation was flawless.  



End file.
